FAR FROM PUKEN!

Fri, 09 Sep 2005 01:57:16 GMT

I'm not dead although half of you probably want me to be. More on this later.

Tue, 26 Jul 2005 05:28:26 GMT

So I was in the bank today making a withdrawal cause I'm shit out of cash and I was going out to eat with a few people and I needed a couple ones for the tip and this woman is standing next to me. She's really short and old and black. Can I say that? Well, she was black and she had one of those faces where it looks like she's always mad. Like her eyebrows are tilted in a way that makes her look so mean. Now, I can handle myself in a fight. I'm pretty wild but I would never go up against a woman. I notice she's carrying a little teddy bear and she turns to me and puts the teddy bear in my face and she goes, "Hi. I'm Tommy." and I'm like uh hey tommy what's good, you know, trying to get this crazy bitch out of my face and she's like do you believe in Jesus? And I'm like oh my god, what is my life. And then she's like, "I found Tommy at a dollar store on Christmas Eve." Okay, two things are going through my mind right now. One, I feel so bad for this woman. First of all, she talks for her teddy bear. And then I was like, well, she started off with a pretty basic plot so you know there's more to the story. Yeah, she found a teddy bear at a dollar store on Christmas Eve. Did she pay for it? Is Tommy a stolen item? And if she did steal Tommy, why would she brag about it? You stole something that could have potentially brought joy to some little kid on Christmas morning but instead it's being used to frighten innocent strangers in line at various public areas. She continued.

"Guess how much Tommy cost? 5.95. Guess what the price was before Tommy went on sale? Nearly ten dollars. That's Jesus." So for those of you playing along at home wondering if you should take a dip in the Christianity pool, Jesus does not work his miracles on the sick or hungry he puts discounts on stuffed animals for mentally handicapped old women in search of a friend on the happiest day of the year. I want Jesus to send me a teddy bear for half price. I went to church when I was a kid. Why not me? Why her? She went on. "I worked for 32 years and never made a mistake. You wanna know why?" She pointed to the sky. I was like OH, cause of Jesus. So now Jesus is correcting all of her errors. Is there a sign up sheet to have Jesus follow you around and be like um, RYan, there's no 'a' in definitely. Okay so now I want Jesus to fix my mistakes and give me teddy bears. Then she finally asks me the question I've been waiting for. "Do you believe in Jesus?" I don't know what to say. Like I said, I went to church as a kid but it was always because I was forced to go, I never really believed in the whole higher power thing. I always thought everything was pretty great, why do I have to put all this faith into something that I'm not even sure exists? So I said. "I'm not sure." That was my first mistake. Now just imagine if Jesus had been there he would have been like psst don't say that she's nuts.

"Give me your hand." Oh my god, lady. No. I need it. It would only leave me with one hand and then you would have two. Stop being so greedy. Next thing I know my hand is in hers, her eyes are closed and we're praying. "Dear Jesus, please let this young man accept you as his personal savior. You are almighty and powerful and he is not deserving of your love but please, Jesus, let him into your heart." She opens her eyes. "Do you have children?" I shake my head, my eyes are bugged out of my head at this point. I'm ready to run for the door. "Well, then someone very close to you is sick and if you don't believe in Jesus they're not gonna get better. You're my spiritual son, okay? I want to see you here again looking pretty. No more wrinkles in your shirt and I think you know what I mean by that." She honestly said that to me, seriously, who says that? Wrinkles in my shirt, oh heavens no. Obviously I'm a slut living in sin, someone get me an iron. I was almost like um, well, I don't think Jesus wants you to say that to people because wrinkles are all the rage this season but I kept my mouth shut. Maybe if I just don't say anything and I keep nodding she'll find some other satan worshipper to save and leave me the hell alone. Then she turns to the rest of the people in the bank, her hand still in mine, and she shouts. "If you believe in God, you're not going to heaven. You have to believe in Jesus." I love this lady. She's not afraid to just put it out there. She's so bold and so daring and yet so mean and cunning. Like Alexia said when we walked out of the bank, "I want to take her home with me in a little box and let her out when company comes over so we can all stare at her in awe and be like, 'Jesus is a stupid cunt' and see how she reacts." I think I would run for the hills.

If this offended you, I'm really sorry that you took it that way. Actually, not really cause this shit is too hilarious to pass up and just one example of the crazy people I come in contact with on a daily basis minus all of you. But don't yell at me, just come to the conclusion that I'm an ignorant asshole and remove me or something. I just really had to share this for no particular reason at all, and hope that someday you are each adopted by your own spiritual mommy.

why does everything have to be complicated?

Thu, 26 May 2005 19:04:14 GMT

two people love each other, they should be together and nothing else should matter. But no. Life is never that simple.

I hate this feeling like agony. Excruciating pain. Thinking about her and not having her. Feeling hollow and empty without her love. Pretending it doesn't hurt, acting like I don't care when all I want to do is pour my heart out to her. Pushing myself to move on but not being able to let go.

How do you let go? I don't think I will ever learn.

Mon, 23 May 2005 01:12:14 GMT

because of that picture I am going back to being a prude.

We literally have been locked in the studio 24-7 this week.

Sun, 01 May 2005 23:11:39 GMT

We all sleep here, eat here, everything. I’m sick of seeing these walls! So, as anyone here can tell you, I totally missed the party thing because of our recording schedule. It woulda been great to see some not-so familiar faces, if even for one night, though.

See, I want to post some big, long interesting post and I can’t, cause I see the same 5 people every fucking day: the rest of the band and our producer, that’s about it. Mike and TJ won’t shut up, ever, Tyler’s driving me insane, but I love him, and Chad’s… Chad. But we’re getting a lot of stuff done in a short amount of time, I’m thrilled! We’ve got roughly 5 songs complete. Another 3 that are in the midst of recording and then a couple more in the writing and figuring out music stage.

Reana and me.. not really together at the moment I guess. It’s like, more than friends and more important then friends with benefits, but I’m not really sure you’d call us a couple either. I don’t know, girls confuse me.

I'm coming out of my cage
And I’ve been doing just fine
Gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all
It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss
Now I’m falling asleep
And she’s calling a cab
While he’s having a smoke
And she’s taking a drag
Now they’re going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it’s all in my head
But she’s touching his—chest
Now, he takes off her dress
Now, let me go

I just can’t look its killing me
And taking control
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibis
But it’s just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
‘Cause I’m Mr Brightside

Fair warning:

Mon, 18 Apr 2005 06:00:51 GMT

Never take on Alexia. She's one tough cookie.

Alexia, thanks to you I have 3 bite marks and they are all sore as fuck.

Real update coming soon.

........

Wed, 06 Apr 2005 08:09:58 GMT

Anyone ever think about someone or see someone and right away think "that's who I'm meant to be with, s/he has everything that I've ever wanted and more"?

Yeah... it's hard to love and not be loved back.

Why can't I remember to update every week?

Tue, 15 Mar 2005 07:49:05 GMT

Oh well, least I'm not dead.

I don't have many close friends. Tyler's like a brother to me along with very VERY few others, but other than that, I tend to pretty much keep to myself. I mostly meet people through 'the business', but I can't shake the feeling that they're all just waiting to stab me in the back. I've met a few people in LA, but most of them are like colored cellophane. When you hold them to the light, they're pretty, but they're also transparent.

but Reana's different. She is such an important force in my life and I spent practically the entire past tour with her, especially since Tyler was/is busy managing some of our tour shit. When you live in chaos, when chaos is the only given, you look to little things for stability. You practice at the same time every day, whether or not you have a show. Tyler carves an hour out of his schedule every day to call Vicki. He's guaranteed that time with her, because it's important to him. Mike runs a few miles every morning. I've never needed a routine as specific as that. I just like knowing that I'm surrounded by people who aren't going to screw me over, people who love me and value me as a human being, not as a commodity. On the road I have Tyler, and I have the rest of the guys, and now I will have Reana who will rejoin us after our little 7 day break.. it's going to be hard, having her around but not being able to HAVE her, know what I mean? Anyway....

Now that I think about it, I have such a small group of close friends, I tend to forget that other people have friends of their own. Alexia and Kevin are friends. Which is fine. I don't like Kevin but a lot of my friends do, which is cool.... but yesterday, seeing Alexia and Kevin together, talking at Santa Cruz while eating.... I was suddenly about eight years old. I wanted her to sit at my table, with me and talk with me and be my friend. Thinking back on that, I'm kind of disgusted with how childish I was being. I don't have any claim to her. She can be friends with whomever she wants to be, and Kevin's a pretty decent guy to her. I was minding her business, and I should've just stuck to minding my own.

I just have so much scorn for how I act when I'm jealous and overprotective of and for my friends. I didn't even really have a reason to be jealous. She can be my friend and Kevin's friend at the same time. It's not an either/or deal. Some days, I really just need to grow the fuck up.

Happy hallmark day, fuckers

Mon, 14 Feb 2005 18:58:48 GMT

How many people know the feeling where you like some one a lot, but you know that theres no chance for anything happening, so you try not to like them but you can't help it, so you just have to admire them from a far and have to settle with just being sort of ok friends? It sucks. But, I guess I'll be ok.

Mon, 07 Feb 2005 18:30:24 GMT

Safe.
Tired.
Dirty.
Lame haircut.
Broke.
Jet-lagged.
Heart-Broken.

Once when I was dating Stephanie, I took her out on a date and then took her to meet Mike. She went home talking about how hot she thought Mike was. A few weeks later she broke up with me for her ex boyfriend, who she became engaged to after a month. He's cheated on her a couple of times but she is still with him. Stuff like that happens to me all of the time. I will really like a girl, we will start dating, and then I will freak her out or some other guy will come into the picture, or a combination of both. Maybe girls like to be cheated on and treated like shit, or maybe it's just better than being with me. I have never been able to figure out what it is. I don't mean to take it out on anyone, but I have been hurt alot.

Today was kinda cool I guess

Sat, 22 Jan 2005 04:17:15 GMT

Went with Mike and Tyler to buy a gram and they enjoyed it...after that met up with Nicole....and Kevin. This was my first time meeting Kevin... and all I have to say is... what a stupid mother fucker. But whatever, I had fun playing dumb and pretending not to know what happened between Nicole and Alexia a couple of weeks ago. She told me how rude it was of Alexia to kick her out of her house.....yeeeah, Alexia found Nicole naked in HER bed (Alexia's bed) with Kevin, how the fuck is she not going to kick her out? Her skanky naked ass shouldn't be in Alexia's bed to begin with. Decided to go to Half Moon Bay but we didn't want to go with the skank and dickwad along. After giving a few excuses for having to go, we dropped off the idiots at Woodside Plaza.

Got to Froyo's in Half Moon Bay and found Chex, Alexia, Vicki and James. When we got there Alexia and James were playing snowboard Xtreme so I joined them for a bit. When we were eating we started evesdropping on valley girls... it was funny. "Omg! Your shoes are like <3 where did you find them? I <3 yes, omg! Oh my! Oh yeah, well lookie here I have my *brandname* bag and my snakeskin chaps with purple knickers and..." Ok I made all of that up but they were saying some shit like that... Vicki was making fun of them. It was funny.

Chex said that three blocks down Yellowcard is recording some video thing at the beachside, so of course after eating we stroll around to that area. Chex was right, so we sat on the sand and watched the process. A few minutes later that violin playing guy points at James' shirt and says he likes it (it was a the Who shirt). James awkwardly said right on. That one blondie singer dude comes up and says "Her shirt is the best....lets go?", looking at Alexia. She was wearing the Cure shirt which says "Let's Go To Bed" and Alexia just squinted up at him, with a look of total unamusement as he grinned at her. Mike and the blondie guy (who I later found out is called Ryan, coincidence?) smoked a couple stogs. The blondie must have thought he was "the man" or some shit like that as he ended up asking Alexia to go back to the hotel with him when they finished. "No" (complete with a bored look and all). He had a confused and shocked look on his face as that was the last thing he expected to hear in response from her. I laughed. I wanted to stay for a while longer but BAM! My rides taking off. "Cya later" *jumps in car*

vroom vrooom....klunk

Alexia and Chex have been getting 'fan signs' so that made me say something like "OH and fan signs are now starting to be collected" on the site so well, this is some of the results:

BUT fuck all that, all I want is her. But I haven't talked to her in days :(

*long, deep sigh*

What the fuck? I actually updated about my day.

Empty Inside, I'm dying, I'm Crying... She Makes Me Bad, Betrays My Head.

Thu, 20 Jan 2005 04:28:11 GMT

Life is... like a blank canvas right now. A lot could be happening personally and my life is totally open for things to happen, it's just nothing seems to be happening.

I find myself feeling extremely empty these days. I feel like a carebear with with a festering hole for a stomach. Like someone who should have all kinds of purpose and meaning, but doesn't.

I find myself with my head in my hands a lot.

It's not hopelessness... I know it's not that. There's plenty of potential in my life... I'm not sure what it is...

Sometimes it hurts so much inside I can barely breathe.

I wish someone could come along and fix everything, since I can't seem to.

I wish I could have you.

I Bet Nobody Will Actually Read the Whole Thing and Care

Mon, 17 Jan 2005 07:34:15 GMT

Name?: Ryan
Nicknames?: Rye, Ry, Micheletti, Mich
Date of birth?: 09-23

Sex?: Male
Height?: 5'10"? I Think?
Eye color?: Hazel/Green but naturally brown haha
Where were you born?: Hayward, CA. Hells yes.
Number of candles on your last birthday cake?: 18
Pets?: Yes.
hair color?: Light brown
Piercings?: I used to have some but I can't remember.

Town you live in?: Redwood fucking City, CA
Favorite foods?: I'm a sucker for Panda Express nowadays.

Ever been to Africa?: Nope.
Love someone so much it made you cry?: Yes.
Been in a car accident?: Yes.

Croutons or bacon bits?: Croutons.
Favorite day of the week?: Hmm... Ever since I got done with school it doesn't matter much... I guess Saturday though.
Favorite resturant?: Thai Cafe
Favorite flower?: Black Lotus. Hah.
Favorite sport(s) to watch?: Football.
Favorite drink?: Blue Raspberry Icee
Favorite ice cream flavor?: Rocky Road
Warner Bros. or Disney?: Disney. Hot women.
Favorite fast food restuarant?: Umm... Jack in the Box I suppose.
Carpet color in your bedroom?: Standard carpet whitish beige.
How many times did you fail your driver's test?: None.

Whom did you get your last email from?: A certain online store confirming a certain birthday present I ordered.
What do you do most often when you are bored?: ... Hahahahahaha. Actually sit here on the computer and do stupid shit like this.
Bedtime?: Usually midnight - 3 AM.
Favorite TV show?: Pimp My Ride. And Seinfeld.

Last person you went out to dinner with?: Ummm... it was actually lunch, with Alexia. We ran into Monte, Liz, Brian and Melissa as well.
Been out of country?: Yeah.

Believe in magic?: I believe in slight of hand and optical illusions... o_O
Ford or Chevy?: Ford for cars, Chevy for trucks.
What are you listening to right now?: King Crimson

Have you ever failed a grade?: Nope.
Do you have a crush on someone?: Yeah, although it doesn't matter.
Do you have a bf/gf?: I wish I did.
What are you wearing right now?: Black pants and a sweatshirt
Have you ever had a crush on any of your teachers?: There was this one substitute... DAMN. Hah, freakin hot.
What are your favorite colors?: Blue and black.
What is your favorite animal?: Panther.
Do you have any birthmarks?: No. I don't think so.
Who do you talk to most on the phone?: Um... I don't talk on the phone much at all except for with Nessa and Alexia sometimes. So I guess them.
Do you go online a lot?: Yeah.
Are you shy or outgoing?: Outgoing.
Do you shower?: What the hell kind of question is that?
Do you hate school?: I used to. Now I don't have to anymore.
Do you have a social life?: I guess.

How easily do you trust people?: Not very easily.
Do you have a secret people would be surprised knowing?: Hmm... Meh.
Would you ever sky dive?: Yeah.

Do you like to dance?: Yeah.
Have you ever been out of state?: Yep.
Do you like to travel?: I do it all the time so I guess I do.

Have you ever been expelled from school?: Nope.
Have you ever been suspended from school?: Yep.
Do you want to get out of your hometown?: Oh hell yes.
Are you spoiled?: No. Never got anything I wanted as a kid. Still don't have much that I want.

What toothpaste do you use: Pepsodent I think.
Do you have a cell phone?: Yeah.
Are you a role model?: Yes. Take after me.
What name brand do you wear the most?: Anchor Blue I guess, although if I had my way it'd be Kikwear.
What kind of jewelry do you wear?: None really.

What do you want pierced?: Maybe my eyebrow.
Do you like taking pictures?: If they're worth taking.
Do you like gettin your picture taken?: Not much. Unless I feel I'm looking particularly good, then yes.
Do you have a tan?: Somewhat. It's winter, I'm sure I'll have a better one once the goddamned Redwood sun comes back a-blazin'... >_<
Do you get annoyed easily?: YES.
Do you have your own pool?: Nope.
Do you have any siblings?: An older brother and a younger sister.
Do you get along with your parents?: These days I do. We're on good terms.

How do you vent your anger?: Sit and brood... Oh wait that isn't venting... Maybe that's why I'm so ticked off so much. I need something to punch.
Have you ever ran away?: For an hour or so hah

Have you ever been fired from a job?: Nope.
Do you even have a job?: Sorta? I wouldn't consider what I do a "job" at all
Do you daydream a lot?: Yeah.

Do you run your mouth?: Sometimes. Yeah, a lot of the time.
What do you want a tattoo of?: I already have some, tomorrow I'll be getting one in rememberance of John along with the rest of my buddies.
Are you rude?: Nope. Unless I don't like you, then yeah.

Do you like getting dirty?: This question can go a couple different ways...
What is your heritage?: Mainly Irish and Scottish, but I've got a lot of different crap in me.
What is your lucky number?: 4.
What does your hair look like right now?: Crappy. Need haircut.
Could you ever be a vegetarian?: No.
If you had to completely dye your hair it'd be what color?: Blue so dark it's almost black.

Would you ever date someone older than you?: In a heartbeat. Tired of this teenage bullshit.
How many rings until you answer the phone?: 2.
Do you look more like your mother or father?: It's kind of equal.
What phrase do you use most when on the phone: "Hmmm"
When was the last time you threw up?: Hahahahaha Friday night... poor Mike... and his poor bathroom.

What theme does your room have?: MESSY.
What size shoe do you wear?: 11
How are you feeling right now?: Kind of sore, really bored, very lonely.
Has there ever been a rumor spread about you?: Yep.
Would you marry for money?: No.
Are you more of a mommys or daddys child?: Neither. I lack the desire of parental approval that most people have I guess.
What kind of music do you like?: I love all music... Make that all GOOD music.
Would you ever bungee jump?: Maybe.
What is your worst fear?: Dying alone.

Would you ever join the army?: Yeah.
Do you like cows?: Not really.
If you were to die today, what would you do?: I would tell everyone I know exactly how I feel about them. I would thank all my friends for making my life 3 dimensional and great. I'd thank my family for always supporting me. I would tell them all I love them and spend the day with them all around me and would request they be by my side until the end and slip away into oblivion surrounded by the people who made my life rich.
Hearts or broken hearts?: What?
Moons or stars?: Moons.
Coke or pepsi?: Coke.
Favorite scent?: Hmm... I dunno.
Favorite band?: Mudvayne.
How many languages can you speak?: One.
What time are you finishing this?: 11:33 PM

Do it, I like to know more about the people that I have added.

EDIT |
Yay, my name is Alexia and I got Ryan's password because he's a dumbass and trusts me with it :-*. Oh the power...anyway, the little cute bastard never puts any pictures of himself so...

Some from the photoshoot they did in LA:

Then we went to a bathroom brake :D

Waiting for an autograph signing booth to get set up

Mr.Rockstar taking his time while walking to a venue (no that isn't a lip ring, he had something in his mouth)

With some highschool fans (he's the one without the shirt, obviously)

Heee that was fun, I hope he doesn't kill me and if he takes that down...I kill him.

Sun, 16 Jan 2005 03:27:00 GMT

The thing I love about The Offspring's "Denial Revisited", near the end of the song (lyrically) Dexter realizes the relationship with whomever the song is about, is going to end. He can't do anything to stop it, and rather than pause and think, he says it right away "Oh God this is the end". Right there in the middle of his words. That really gets me. He did all he could to make it work, but he only counts as half the relationship. The decision to end it all isn't his to make. Powerless. What is perhaps the most important thing in his life, is torn away, and he doesn't want it to end this way. Can you imagine the pain that he must be going through? Enough.

Wed, 12 Jan 2005 16:04:42 GMT

"I had the notion that you'd make me change my ways
My bad habits would be gone in a matter of days
I had the feeling that you'd open up my eyes
To a whole new world that had since been in disguise

But that day will most likely never come for me
And it's just my luck to end up getting stuck
to everything you are

So tonight I'll sit and pick apart your pictures
And overanalyze your words
But the truth is that I've never fallen so hard
It's taken everything in me
Just to forget your sweater so far

I had the notion that you'd make me forget the world
But your undecisive mind shows me that
You are "just another girl"
I had the feeling that those looks you gave me were real
What if I ripped your heart apart at the seams
Maybe then you'd know how I feel

But that day will most likely never come for me
And it's just my luck to end up getting stuck
to everything you are

So tonight I'll sit and pick apart your pictures
And overanalyze your words
But the truth is that I've never fallen so hard
It's taken everything in me
just to forget your sweater so far

I can honestly say
That I never, ever, ever felt this way
Your lips, your eyelashes, your skin
These are the parts of your body
that cause my comatose to begin

I will not sleep another day
I don't really need to anyway
What's the point when my dreams are infected
With words you used to say
I will breathe in a moment
As long as I keep my distance
I wouldn't want to go messing anything up

So don't go worrying about me
It's not like I think about you constantly
So maybe I do, but that shouldn't affect
Your life anymore
I knew it the moment you walked into the door

I'll let you get the best of me
Because there's nothing else that I do well
I'll let you get the best of me
Because there's nothing else that I do well
I'll be the giver and you'll be the taker
I guess that's how this one's gonna go
I'll be the giver and you'll be the taker
You've got me down on my knees and I proclaim
All hail the heartbreaker""

I don't know what to do....ever since the tour ended I haven't seen Reana and we left at a pretty weird/rocky state. I just want to know how she feels. When we were on the road it was "I love you" here and "I love you" there but now that the tour is over it all seems to have just....stopped. We send e-mails back and forth and not once does she mention any of it. I've told her that my feelings haven't changed and all, but it seems that she just ignores it....like she's avoiding it. I wish she would straight up tell me whats going on. Whether she still has those feelings or even if she hates my guts, just SOMETHING to make me stop thinking about it constantly and so I can finally know what's going on. I feel she's hiding something but WHY? Either she has feelings for me or not, and if she doesn't, all I want is for her to be honest with me.

I swear, she could send me an e-mail insulting me in the cruelest way and I'd still be all "-dreamy sigh- I love her." I just want to know how she feels but since she ignores the parts that I tell her I love her, that makes me not want to pressure it anymore. I don't want to smother her but yet.....I want to ask her what's going on.

Lex kind of made me feel all guilty about it last night.....I know it wasn't her intention but it just made me feel bad. She was asking that if I love Reana, why does all that flirting go on with other girls. I told her it's all meaningless compared to how I feel about Reana, then she asked me what's the point of it if it's all meaningless. She also said that it wasn't fair, because if Reana were the one doing 'meaningless' flirting, that I would get mad/jealous right away (knowing my temper) but yet I expect Reana to be fine with all that I do. Girls are just....aagh. Why do I let girls mess with my mind so much? -scratches head-

Sat, 08 Jan 2005 07:44:56 GMT

Alexia's picture post encouraged me to post some pictures from this past tour.

Chicago

Cincinnati

(See that bug?... the city was drained with them, they were every where and made lots of noise. Apparently they only occur every 17 years and only live for about two weeks or so. Strange.)

Random pics on the road-

(Thats Dave, part of our road crew... great guy)

(Thats the other bus we got, for the Australian leg)

(Alexia is in that picture. Look at her shoulders and the guy's.. hes shorter than her and we picked on him for that, we're evil.. he was from one of the opening bands)

And uh yeah, there some pictures of our friends on the road mixed in there.

We went up to a huge Ska festival now we're here at the studio in Frisco because TJ and Tyler got the 'creative urge'.

Alexia and Vicki.. own. They are looking over my shoulder but they still.. own.

Edit;

Santa Claus is coming to town!

Sun, 02 Jan 2005 21:19:46 GMT

Or... wait, he was already here.

Man, what a great holiday break. This time we were home with everyone. This was seriously one of the best Christmas' ever. After all those years of not having much, to finally be able to take care of Mom and the family was awesome. *being semi sappy*

Plus the Las Vegas trip was fun

Feb 3 we kick off the tour again. It's just a short, week-long tour, then it's back home and into the studio. I'm so excited, can't wait. We've got a bunch of songs already lined up that we wrote while we were out on the road. As far as I know plans are to have the next record out in the fall of 2005. That seems so far away, but when I think about recording, mixing and everything it's not very far off at all.

Europe is now done.

Fri, 10 Dec 2004 07:21:30 GMT

We are on our way right now to New Zealand and we get two days off then we start again.

12.13.04 Monday - Auckland, NZ

Venue: Kings Arms
time: 8:00 PM ages: 18+

-----------------------------------------------------------

12.15.04 Wednesday - Brisbane, AUS
venue: Kane
time: 8:00 PM ages: 18+

-----------------------------------------------------------

12.16.04 Thursday - Sydney, AUS
Annadale Hotel
time: 8:00 PM ages: 18+

-----------------------------------------------------------

12.17.04 Friday - Melbourne, AUS
Venue: Charles Arena
time: 9:00 PM ages: 18+

I will write later about the whole Reana thing.

Between the moon and you, lunacy is setting in...

Tue, 07 Dec 2004 18:27:59 GMT

Something is wrong with me. I haven't even tried letting this girl know how I feel and I already feel heart break. I don't want to fucking go through heart break again and it's fucking scaring me because I like her a lot more than I let myself think.

I feel so god damn alone, mentally and physically. I'm always afraid of being hurt and it fucking sucks, but I always set myself up. I don't know whether I should try,
or just give up...but there isn't love. Don't try to tell yourself there is. There is none of this movie shit. "Kiss kiss, bang bang." Pretty girls make graves is right. My friends are making up for the lack of a significant other in my life currently though...not like I've had one my whole life. Oh god... the guys just turned on Alkaline Trio - enjoy your day. There's a tear jerker if I know one.

-it's raining- You know how many memories just popped into my head? The rain is for lovers. Fuck this season, fuck this season.

I'm so secluded, sedated, and secured.

It's so hard, to look past her eyes and try to tell myself to not even go there.

Soon I have to suck it up and go play the show.

My kingdom for ice cubes!

Tue, 07 Dec 2004 01:30:20 GMT

It's Dec 7, 2 something AM. We had two days off and tomorrow.....well technically today, we have a show here in London. Fucking cool place, England. I’m having a bunch of fun over here in the UK, don't know about the other guys. Me, Mike and Tyler went to some stores today and picked up a bunch of little trinkets and worthless junk that we had to have. I got some patches and buttons, then this funky shirt that I'm not sure what I'll do with, but it was too gnarly looking to not get. MIke got some pants that are obscenely tight. He's seriously got the “smuggling plums” look going on. Not that I'm complaining but still, dude that can't be comfortable to have your nuts squeezed in denim like that. Boxers and baggies all the way for me.

We've been eating sandwiches and Hot Pockets a lot. This is as close to a home-cooked meal as it gets right now, so I'm taking advantage. I'm missing Mom's peach cobbler though. It's so good. If I could only eat peach cobbler for the rest of my life, I would. I tried that once when I was about 7. Mom got pissed. I think I ate about half of the peach cobbler she made, didn't eat anything else, then I puked in the living room. Heh. I was such a good kid.

There's your stupid Mich moment of the day. Cherish it.

So um, the band opening for us has a friend that came along and I have, erm gotten "close" to her. I don't like to bullshit through stuff so what I am trying to say is that I think I am majorly getting attracted to her. I've been unsure whether to talk about it but I've been telling Alexia and she thinks that if I don't do something about it that I will regret it but at the same time she can understand why I am hesitant. But I don't know, I haven't liked anyone for about 3 years now. Plus things like that don't usually go so well on the road. I've learned from past experiences not to be the first to make the move, I don't want to get crushed in the end. If she does though then I know the feelings are mutual. Aa we'll see.

I hide my wounded pride and stare off into the other cars
If I could just speak the words to tell her
Exactly how I feel
I count the ways that I might say it
But I know that none of them will work because
She won't feel the same
I've come this far
But I can't go through with it because the truth would hurt
too much
This hurts too much
She goes back to the west coast to drink in the sunshine
And I will stay here in these dead plains
And try to make a seed grow
And I would pray for rain
If I thought that that would help

Why don't the English believe in ice in drinks? Warm soda fucking blows!

Europe!

Mon, 29 Nov 2004 19:23:31 GMT

All shows are "all ages" this time so no more stripping naked for some of the guys opening up for us.
11.29.04 Monday - Berlin, GER
Kalkscheune

11.30.04 Tuesday - Frankfurt, GER
Pop & Glow Theatre

12.01.04 Wednesday - Strassbourg, FR
La Laiterie

12.02.04 Thursday - Tours, France
Tours Center

12.03.04 Friday - Den Haag, NL
Paard Van Troje

12.04.04 Saturday - Antwerp, BEL
Breekmolen

12.07.04 Tuesday - London, UK
Cargo

12.08.04 Wednesday - Manchester, UK
Life Auditorium

12.09.04 Thursday - Birmingham, UK
Red Venue

So today is the "official" first day of the tour and we already lacking a few hours in the sleep department as we have to do a lot more promo shit, this being our first time in Europe and all.

First show tonight, I am hoping all goes well.

Checking in from San Diego!

Sat, 20 Nov 2004 20:49:31 GMT

I've been tagged so here it goes.....

I've heard some people say that our new song, "Mentioned Sunrise" is depressing and they can't believe we did a song that talks about suicide. I say fuck those people. We've always been "real". We don't bullshit on our lyrics, they're all real personal and this is the most important song on the new album that we will be recording. The guys and me have lost so many friends to suicide, we know how it feels just as friends, and there's people out there who've lost parents, siblings and everything else you can imagine to suicide. It's a horrible feeling, because for the rest of your life, you wonder if you could have done something to help, or what your life would be like if that person was still in it.

No one should have to go through that kind of loss, and no one should feel like they'd be better off if they killed themselves.

Since I think that Tyler put it perfectly when he wrote on our site, I'm gonna post it here:

'We have lost some close friends to suicide and it has affected just about everyone we know. Everyday we read letters from fans saying that the stress of life, the pressure with family, and losing love is too much to bear. We want to say that you may feel alone but you are not. So many have gone through the same thing and reaching out is a sign of strength, not weakness. Life will get better and life is worth living, even if it seems unbearable right now. It's our goal that this song gives hope to our fans that have reached out to us, and maybe it will reach some who don't know us. Even if it is just one person, if it makes a difference in their life it was worth the time and effort it took to create this song. Life is not something we feel anyone should give up on.

Once again we will always thank our fans for being a part of this and making this happen, thanks for giving us a chance -- Tyler M.'

And I tag slut_slip. It's about time he updated again.

Holy crap!

Sat, 13 Nov 2004 00:55:40 GMT

I don't update for a few days and so much has happened! Of which I don't really feel like writing about

We're so fucking swamped lately, trying to wrap up the U.S. tour, have our holidays while traveling some more

We've been playing a track we're pretty sure is going on the record at the shows recently. The kids seem to really dig it. By the end of the song they're singing right along with us. It's awesome.

I think I'm getting sick right now, and not in a good way. I keep being hot and cold and hot and cold. Luckily I don't feel like puking or anything like that. But my throat's a little scratchy. Death to a guy who has to sing every night. Not that I really sing well, but still, someone's gotta back TJ and Tyler up.

and there was a quickie for you all.

annnd Bush takes it

Wed, 03 Nov 2004 22:34:43 GMT

I couldn't be any happier

I realize not everyone has the same mind set as I do and while I dont have anyhing against Kerry, I am damm glad Bush has won again.

I know most of you are Kerry supportes with the exception of Chad and Vicki so that is all I will say

I'm a pirate, arrrrr!

Tue, 02 Nov 2004 05:15:52 GMT

well I was last night at least

Last night's show was so fucking rowdy!

We played Northampton, MA and the kids went nuts. Funny thing is the craziest shows are always NY (we played NY on Friday) and the Northampton crowd, blew those guys away! I was so hyped that it took me forever to fall asleep. And I miss my family.

The San Francisco show has changed. Same date but different place because we uh, 'sold out' the place and it'll be better to play in a bigger auditorium. I still think they lied to us about that. It's too surreal. Tour ends Nov 20. Then Nov. 29-Dec 9 is the European tour. After that, Dec. 13-17 we’re hitting New Zealand and Australia! More dates are still to be added though. Soon after all that we’re heading back into the studio to work on the record.

Vote tomorrow.

VOTE!