> Recent Entries
> Archive
> Friends
> User Info
> previous 20 entries

September 8th, 2005

(6 comments | Leave a comment)

July 26th, 2005

(12 comments | Leave a comment)

May 26th, 2005

(4 comments | Leave a comment)

May 22nd, 2005

06:11 pm ( I'm disowning her ) because of that picture I am going back to being a prude. Current Mood: weird

(2 comments | Leave a comment)

May 1st, 2005

04:03 pm - We literally have been locked in the studio 24-7 this week. We all sleep here, eat here, everything. I’m sick of seeing these walls! So, as anyone here can tell you, I totally missed the party thing because of our recording schedule. It woulda been great to see some not-so familiar faces, if even for one night, though. See, I want to post some big, long interesting post and I can’t, cause I see the same 5 people every fucking day: the rest of the band and our producer, that’s about it. Mike and TJ won’t shut up, ever, Tyler’s driving me insane, but I love him, and Chad’s… Chad. But we’re getting a lot of stuff done in a short amount of time, I’m thrilled! We’ve got roughly 5 songs complete. Another 3 that are in the midst of recording and then a couple more in the writing and figuring out music stage. Reana and me.. not really together at the moment I guess. It’s like, more than friends and more important then friends with benefits, but I’m not really sure you’d call us a couple either. I don’t know, girls confuse me. ( the story of my life ) Current Mood: busy Current Music: Falling- Lacuna Coil

(3 comments | Leave a comment)

April 17th, 2005

(3 comments | Leave a comment)

April 6th, 2005

01:09 am - ........ Anyone ever think about someone or see someone and right away think "that's who I'm meant to be with, s/he has everything that I've ever wanted and more"? Yeah... it's hard to love and not be loved back. Current Mood: contemplative

(2 comments | Leave a comment)

March 14th, 2005

11:53 pm - Why can't I remember to update every week? Oh well, least I'm not dead. I don't have many close friends. Tyler's like a brother to me along with very VERY few others, but other than that, I tend to pretty much keep to myself. I mostly meet people through 'the business', but I can't shake the feeling that they're all just waiting to stab me in the back. I've met a few people in LA, but most of them are like colored cellophane. When you hold them to the light, they're pretty, but they're also transparent. but Reana's different. She is such an important force in my life and I spent practically the entire past tour with her, especially since Tyler was/is busy managing some of our tour shit. When you live in chaos, when chaos is the only given, you look to little things for stability. You practice at the same time every day, whether or not you have a show. Tyler carves an hour out of his schedule every day to call Vicki. He's guaranteed that time with her, because it's important to him. Mike runs a few miles every morning. I've never needed a routine as specific as that. I just like knowing that I'm surrounded by people who aren't going to screw me over, people who love me and value me as a human being, not as a commodity. On the road I have Tyler, and I have the rest of the guys, and now I will have Reana who will rejoin us after our little 7 day break.. it's going to be hard, having her around but not being able to HAVE her, know what I mean? Anyway.... Now that I think about it, I have such a small group of close friends, I tend to forget that other people have friends of their own. Alexia and Kevin are friends. Which is fine. I don't like Kevin but a lot of my friends do, which is cool.... but yesterday, seeing Alexia and Kevin together, talking at Santa Cruz while eating.... I was suddenly about eight years old. I wanted her to sit at my table, with me and talk with me and be my friend. Thinking back on that, I'm kind of disgusted with how childish I was being. I don't have any claim to her. She can be friends with whomever she wants to be, and Kevin's a pretty decent guy to her. I was minding her business, and I should've just stuck to minding my own. I just have so much scorn for how I act when I'm jealous and overprotective of and for my friends. I didn't even really have a reason to be jealous. She can be my friend and Kevin's friend at the same time. It's not an either/or deal. Some days, I really just need to grow the fuck up. Current Mood: embarrassed

(6 comments | Leave a comment)

February 14th, 2005

11:00 am - Happy hallmark day, fuckers How many people know the feeling where you like some one a lot, but you know that theres no chance for anything happening, so you try not to like them but you can't help it, so you just have to admire them from a far and have to settle with just being sort of ok friends? It sucks. But, I guess I'll be ok. Current Mood: blah

(11 comments | Leave a comment)

February 7th, 2005

10:29 am Safe. Tired. Dirty. Lame haircut. Broke. Jet-lagged. Heart-Broken. Once when I was dating Stephanie, I took her out on a date and then took her to meet Mike. She went home talking about how hot she thought Mike was. A few weeks later she broke up with me for her ex boyfriend, who she became engaged to after a month. He's cheated on her a couple of times but she is still with him. Stuff like that happens to me all of the time. I will really like a girl, we will start dating, and then I will freak her out or some other guy will come into the picture, or a combination of both. Maybe girls like to be cheated on and treated like shit, or maybe it's just better than being with me. I have never been able to figure out what it is. I don't mean to take it out on anyone, but I have been hurt alot. Current Mood: exhausted

(3 comments | Leave a comment)

January 21st, 2005

08:17 pm - Today was kinda cool I guess Went with Mike and Tyler to buy a gram and they enjoyed it...after that met up with Nicole....and Kevin. This was my first time meeting Kevin... and all I have to say is... what a stupid mother fucker. But whatever, I had fun playing dumb and pretending not to know what happened between Nicole and Alexia a couple of weeks ago. She told me how rude it was of Alexia to kick her out of her house.....yeeeah, Alexia found Nicole naked in HER bed (Alexia's bed) with Kevin, how the fuck is she not going to kick her out? Her skanky naked ass shouldn't be in Alexia's bed to begin with. Decided to go to Half Moon Bay but we didn't want to go with the skank and dickwad along. After giving a few excuses for having to go, we dropped off the idiots at Woodside Plaza. Got to Froyo's in Half Moon Bay and found Chex, Alexia, Vicki and James. When we got there Alexia and James were playing snowboard Xtreme so I joined them for a bit. When we were eating we started evesdropping on valley girls... it was funny. "Omg! Your shoes are like <3 where did you find them? I <3 yes, omg! Oh my! Oh yeah, well lookie here I have my *brandname* bag and my snakeskin chaps with purple knickers and..." Ok I made all of that up but they were saying some shit like that... Vicki was making fun of them. It was funny. Chex said that three blocks down Yellowcard is recording some video thing at the beachside, so of course after eating we stroll around to that area. Chex was right, so we sat on the sand and watched the process. A few minutes later that violin playing guy points at James' shirt and says he likes it (it was a the Who shirt). James awkwardly said right on. That one blondie singer dude comes up and says "Her shirt is the best....lets go?", looking at Alexia. She was wearing the Cure shirt which says "Let's Go To Bed" and Alexia just squinted up at him, with a look of total unamusement as he grinned at her. Mike and the blondie guy (who I later found out is called Ryan, coincidence?) smoked a couple stogs. The blondie must have thought he was "the man" or some shit like that as he ended up asking Alexia to go back to the hotel with him when they finished. "No" (complete with a bored look and all). He had a confused and shocked look on his face as that was the last thing he expected to hear in response from her. I laughed. I wanted to stay for a while longer but BAM! My rides taking off. "Cya later" *jumps in car* vroom vrooom....klunk ( I've been getting fan signs ) Current Mood: okay

(5 comments | Leave a comment)

January 19th, 2005

08:22 pm - Empty Inside, I'm dying, I'm Crying... She Makes Me Bad, Betrays My Head. Life is... like a blank canvas right now. A lot could be happening personally and my life is totally open for things to happen, it's just nothing seems to be happening. I find myself feeling extremely empty these days. I feel like a carebear with with a festering hole for a stomach. Like someone who should have all kinds of purpose and meaning, but doesn't. I find myself with my head in my hands a lot. It's not hopelessness... I know it's not that. There's plenty of potential in my life... I'm not sure what it is... Sometimes it hurts so much inside I can barely breathe. I wish someone could come along and fix everything, since I can't seem to. I wish I could have you. Current Mood: lonely Current Music: Pink Floyd - Have a Cigar

(5 comments | Leave a comment)

January 16th, 2005

11:34 pm - I Bet Nobody Will Actually Read the Whole Thing and Care ( Tyring to keep my mind off things, you should do it too ) Do it, I like to know more about the people that I have added. EDIT |( Ryan is so purty ) Heee that was fun, I hope he doesn't kill me and if he takes that down...I kill him. Current Mood: lonely

(13 comments | Leave a comment)

January 15th, 2005

07:26 pm The thing I love about The Offspring's "Denial Revisited", near the end of the song (lyrically) Dexter realizes the relationship with whomever the song is about, is going to end. He can't do anything to stop it, and rather than pause and think, he says it right away "Oh God this is the end". Right there in the middle of his words. That really gets me. He did all he could to make it work, but he only counts as half the relationship. The decision to end it all isn't his to make. Powerless. What is perhaps the most important thing in his life, is torn away, and he doesn't want it to end this way. Can you imagine the pain that he must be going through? Enough. Current Mood: blank Current Music: The Offspring - "Denial Revisited"

(4 comments | Leave a comment)

January 12th, 2005

08:06 am ( All Hail The Heartbreaker ) I don't know what to do....ever since the tour ended I haven't seen Reana and we left at a pretty weird/rocky state. I just want to know how she feels. When we were on the road it was "I love you" here and "I love you" there but now that the tour is over it all seems to have just....stopped. We send e-mails back and forth and not once does she mention any of it. I've told her that my feelings haven't changed and all, but it seems that she just ignores it....like she's avoiding it. I wish she would straight up tell me whats going on. Whether she still has those feelings or even if she hates my guts, just SOMETHING to make me stop thinking about it constantly and so I can finally know what's going on. I feel she's hiding something but WHY? Either she has feelings for me or not, and if she doesn't, all I want is for her to be honest with me. I swear, she could send me an e-mail insulting me in the cruelest way and I'd still be all "-dreamy sigh- I love her." I just want to know how she feels but since she ignores the parts that I tell her I love her, that makes me not want to pressure it anymore. I don't want to smother her but yet.....I want to ask her what's going on. Lex kind of made me feel all guilty about it last night.....I know it wasn't her intention but it just made me feel bad. She was asking that if I love Reana, why does all that flirting go on with other girls. I told her it's all meaningless compared to how I feel about Reana, then she asked me what's the point of it if it's all meaningless. She also said that it wasn't fair, because if Reana were the one doing 'meaningless' flirting, that I would get mad/jealous right away (knowing my temper) but yet I expect Reana to be fine with all that I do. Girls are just....aagh. Why do I let girls mess with my mind so much? -scratches head- Current Mood: confused Current Music: All Hail The Heartbreaker- The Spill Canvas

(8 comments | Leave a comment)

January 7th, 2005

11:35 pm Alexia's picture post encouraged me to post some pictures from this past tour. ( this better work ) We went up to a huge Ska festival now we're here at the studio in Frisco because TJ and Tyler got the 'creative urge'. Alexia and Vicki.. own. They are looking over my shoulder but they still.. own. Edit; ( stage pictures ) Current Mood: hyper

(5 comments | Leave a comment)

January 2nd, 2005

01:14 pm - Santa Claus is coming to town! Or... wait, he was already here. Man, what a great holiday break. This time we were home with everyone. This was seriously one of the best Christmas' ever. After all those years of not having much, to finally be able to take care of Mom and the family was awesome. *being semi sappy* Plus the Las Vegas trip was fun Feb 3 we kick off the tour again. It's just a short, week-long tour, then it's back home and into the studio. I'm so excited, can't wait. We've got a bunch of songs already lined up that we wrote while we were out on the road. As far as I know plans are to have the next record out in the fall of 2005. That seems so far away, but when I think about recording, mixing and everything it's not very far off at all. Current Mood: weird Current Music: Life Is Killing Me - Type O Negative

(5 comments | Leave a comment)

December 9th, 2004

11:13 pm - Europe is now done. We are on our way right now to New Zealand and we get two days off then we start again. ( New Zealand / Australia ) I will write later about the whole Reana thing. Current Mood: drained

(2 comments | Leave a comment)

December 7th, 2004

10:23 am - Between the moon and you, lunacy is setting in... Something is wrong with me. I haven't even tried letting this girl know how I feel and I already feel heart break. I don't want to fucking go through heart break again and it's fucking scaring me because I like her a lot more than I let myself think. I feel so god damn alone, mentally and physically. I'm always afraid of being hurt and it fucking sucks, but I always set myself up. I don't know whether I should try, or just give up...but there isn't love. Don't try to tell yourself there is. There is none of this movie shit. "Kiss kiss, bang bang." Pretty girls make graves is right. My friends are making up for the lack of a significant other in my life currently though...not like I've had one my whole life. Oh god... the guys just turned on Alkaline Trio - enjoy your day. There's a tear jerker if I know one. -it's raining- You know how many memories just popped into my head? The rain is for lovers. Fuck this season, fuck this season. I'm so secluded, sedated, and secured. It's so hard, to look past her eyes and try to tell myself to not even go there. Soon I have to suck it up and go play the show. Current Mood: lonely

(9 comments | Leave a comment)

December 6th, 2004

05:29 pm - My kingdom for ice cubes! It's Dec 7, 2 something AM. We had two days off and tomorrow.....well technically today, we have a show here in London. Fucking cool place, England. I’m having a bunch of fun over here in the UK, don't know about the other guys. Me, Mike and Tyler went to some stores today and picked up a bunch of little trinkets and worthless junk that we had to have. I got some patches and buttons, then this funky shirt that I'm not sure what I'll do with, but it was too gnarly looking to not get. MIke got some pants that are obscenely tight. He's seriously got the “smuggling plums” look going on. Not that I'm complaining but still, dude that can't be comfortable to have your nuts squeezed in denim like that. Boxers and baggies all the way for me. We've been eating sandwiches and Hot Pockets a lot. This is as close to a home-cooked meal as it gets right now, so I'm taking advantage. I'm missing Mom's peach cobbler though. It's so good. If I could only eat peach cobbler for the rest of my life, I would. I tried that once when I was about 7. Mom got pissed. I think I ate about half of the peach cobbler she made, didn't eat anything else, then I puked in the living room. Heh. I was such a good kid. There's your stupid Mich moment of the day. Cherish it. So um, the band opening for us has a friend that came along and I have, erm gotten "close" to her. I don't like to bullshit through stuff so what I am trying to say is that I think I am majorly getting attracted to her. I've been unsure whether to talk about it but I've been telling Alexia and she thinks that if I don't do something about it that I will regret it but at the same time she can understand why I am hesitant. But I don't know, I haven't liked anyone for about 3 years now. Plus things like that don't usually go so well on the road. I've learned from past experiences not to be the first to make the move, I don't want to get crushed in the end. If she does though then I know the feelings are mutual. Aa we'll see. I hide my wounded pride and stare off into the other cars If I could just speak the words to tell her Exactly how I feel I count the ways that I might say it But I know that none of them will work because She won't feel the same I've come this far But I can't go through with it because the truth would hurt too much This hurts too much She goes back to the west coast to drink in the sunshine And I will stay here in these dead plains And try to make a seed grow And I would pray for rain If I thought that that would help Why don't the English believe in ice in drinks? Warm soda fucking blows! Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: My Paper Heart All-American Rejects

(4 comments | Leave a comment)